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+# Death to Object Storage: A Love Letter to Flat Files
+
+Once upon a time, I believed in MinIO.
+
+I really did. The idea was beautiful: S3-compatible object storage, self-hosted, redundant, robust — all those wonderful buzzwords they slap on the side of a Docker image and call “enterprise.” I bought into it. I built around it. I dreamed in buckets.
+
+And then, reality set in.
+
+What reality, you ask?
+
+- Media uploads timing out.
+- Phantom 403s from ghosts of CORS configs past.
+- Uploader works on Tuesday, breaks on Wednesday.
+- “Why are all the thumbnails gone?”
+- “Why does the backup contain *literally nothing*?”
+
+MinIO became that coworker who talks a big game but never shows up to help move the server rack. Sure, he says he's “highly available” — but when you need him? Boom. 503.
+
+So I did what any burned-out, overcaffeinated sysadmin would do. I tore it all down.
+
+Flat files. ZFS. Snapshots. The old gods.
+
+Now my media lives on Shredder. It’s fast. It’s simple. It scrubs itself weekly and never lies to me. Want to know if something's backed up? I check with my own eyes — not by playing 20 questions with a broken object path and a timestamp from the Nixon administration.
+
+I don’t have to `mc alias` anything.
+I don’t need to care about ACLs.
+I don’t need to learn how to spell “presigned URLs” ever again.
+
+It. Just. Works.
+
+So, farewell MinIO. You tried. You failed. You’re off my network.
+
+Long live `chmod -R`, long live ZFS, and long live sysadmins who know when to throw the whole stack in the trash and start over.
+
+---
+
+📌 PS: If you’re still on object storage for your Mastodon instance… I’m sorry. I really am.
+
+